A legacy is not only what someone leaves behind, but what they inspire us to keep doing.
My mom’s husband, my stepdad, died on Halloween in 2016. It was his absolute favorite holiday. I was living in Hawaii at the time; my husband was in a field exercise with the Army; and my sister and her one-year-old daughter were visiting us for the first time. We got the phone call that Wes died unexpectedly. My sister and I laughed thinking it was a complete joke. Then we heard it in my grandma’s voice…it was real.
It felt so fake in that moment, almost like we were dreaming. My sister and I were an ocean away from our family with only each other. Through our pain, we knew Wes would have wanted his granddaughter to go trick-or-treating, so we went.
For a long while it felt like a part of my mom died with Wes and the light he shined on her went out. If I could describe Wes, I would say that he always cracked a joke and was always there when you needed him (even if that meant building a first-grade student store out of a box when he had other plans that day or working on my car for hours on a hot summer day). He always went with the flow, entertained those very, very long goodbyes (even if we were seeing each other the next day) and would be there for all the amusement parks, beach days the whole nine yards. He was honestly the best.
On the first anniversary of Wes’ death, my mom flew out to Hawaii, and we took surf lessons on the North Shore. This was something she and Wes planned to do that year. We saw a sea turtle (his favorite) as we paddled out, and we knew he was right there with us. There was something comforting in knowing he would be so proud. Then he sent a giant wave my way… (not cool Wes, but I will forgive you!)
Ever since then, my mom has made it a priority to celebrate Wes by doing things he loved, things he never got the chance to do or things he would have done if he were alive. For nearly 10 years now, my mom has celebrated Wes with an experience.
She has skydived, paddle boarded, gone to Disneyland, toured Warner Bros. Studios, hiked, completed a family escape room and a million other things. Every year, all of us including the grandbabies creep on my mom and ask her what the plans are.
Somewhere along the way, my mom got a tattoo that says “WWWS,” which stands for “What Would Wes Say.” It reminds her to take a minute, breathe and remember she can persevere through whatever she is facing. My mom has made it a point to never let Wes’s legacy die. Even after death, he continues to push us to do something that reminds us we are alive.
My mom will be moving to Kansas City this month and I cannot wait to join her in celebrating Wes year after year. Since this is a big one, number 10, my mom is including all the grandchildren that live nearby.
What I find so cool is that all of the babies who have come into our family since Wes died, still know who he is and know he loved them even though he never met them.
Wes taught my mom to be strong and to keep stopping to smell the roses. My mom has taught all of us that death doesn’t mean it is all over. Wes will forever live within us and continue to guide us in ways we never could have imagined that first year without him.
We love you, Wesleeeyyy.
