The Game Plan
I am a warm weather person. Do I think snow is pretty? Yes. Do I want it gone in two days? Also, yes. The start of nicer weather builds the anticipation for summer. Spring can be a difficult time for me so I’m grateful for the sunshine that streams into my house.
Spring means that my mother’s birthday happens and the next month is Mother’s Day. My mom, Nora, passed away in 2023 following a battle with cancer. It was an extremely difficult time for my family as we experienced hospice for the first time. I am the youngest of three and have two older brothers. I am the daughter though. If you’re a daughter then you know that it doesn’t matter where you are in the birth order. You’re still the daughter.
This means that I was at a lot of doctors’ appointments and I was present for all the difficult conversations. I work here, so one of those difficult conversations was handled by Polly. She met with my mother and decided on a plan for who would handle the financial decisions and the medical decisions. Sometimes, that isn’t the same person and that’s okay. My mom used a different person for medical than financial because she recognized which child would be the right fit where. We knew the game plan.
As the designated financial person, I spent my time creating a spreadsheet with all the account information we needed along with log ins. One brother handled all the medication details and spoke with her care team. We kept a running group chat together and there was no fighting. We knew the game plan.
It is extremely important to have those conversations with loved ones before it’s needed. There are so many emotions going on when you’re in the thick of it and arguments can start due to stress and concern for a loved one. We’re not perfect, we still had arguments. Having these conversations at the beginning ensures that everyone is on the same page and you’re a team. As our time became short, we weren’t worrying about who would do what. Instead, we were checking in on each other and taking care of each other.
When it was time to handle funeral arrangements, we knew the game plan. We’d already spoken with our mom, and she had made her wishes well known. We were able to move smoothly through what can be called the business of death. Since we had all the information needed, we could handle it and focus on grieving.
It is so vital to have these conversations before it is too late. Yes, it is difficult and yes, it is painful but you’re making it easier for those handling things. Make the time to talk to your loved ones about decisions, and let them know where to find the necessary documents. Help them know what the game plan.
